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How to find a man that will take care of you

I used to grind my teeth at night. The girl I was living with at the time used to wake up to the sound of bone scraping against bone as I unconsciously gnawed away at some mental stress knot in my brain. It was tender and sweet. And it probably saved me from some serious tension headaches.

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How to Attract a Man who Gives you EVERYTHING

Setting aside the fact that I have not read the Fifty Shades series due to what has been described to me as the books' rather lackluster prose, sometime misogyny and excessively silly romantic situations, I would like to explore the idea that mature, confident, independent women do sometimes face the catch of wanting to be strong in the world while wanting to be 'taken care of' -- and not just sexually -- in romantic relationships.

That is, some women want to be completely respected for their capabilities and strength of character while also wanting to be led, supported and cared for emotionally, socially and yes, sometimes even economically when they are with a man. The stronger a woman is emotionally or professionally in her daily life, the more she may desire some aspect of this. This phenomenon may not seem fair to men who seek a relationship founded on equal support, care, understanding and check-covering, which, admittedly, seems like a fair request.

I'll admit my proposal may cause a huge inner conflict for some otherwise-liberated women who do not see themselves as 'takers,' 'traditionalists,' 'needy' or 'vulnerable. Nevertheless, strong, confident women who advocate for themselves all day in the world often find that they want the men in their lives to be giving.

They want the door held open for them, a shared umbrella, an invitation to a date planned and paid for by the man in their lives.

Given the way women work today, It's not that hard to see why. There are socio-political, socio-cultural and socio-emotional reasons that strong women seek caretaking behavior from men in relationships. I break each one down below:. The most obvious socio-political argument points to the inequity built into the patriarchal political systems in our society.

Thus, the need for women to advocate for ourselves in the workplace belies the notion of true equality. This issue can be interpreted in two ways relative to a dating situation: A man might say, "Well, then, wouldn't you want true equality in your relationships?

I would tend to agree with the latter point of view. Seeing ourselves reflected in society as receiving less money, respect and opportunity than men might push women to be independent-minded in our professional lives, but these elements of inequality can cause even the feminists among us to feel that we deserve to be treated that much more nicely -- even specially -- by the men in our personal lives.

It becomes a refreshing change of pace: When a man's kind treatment comes from a desire to give, we can relax, be ourselves and not have to push so hard.

Another key issue that unfortunately highlights the inherent inequality in our country and our world is personal safety. When discussing heterosexual romantic relationships, this matter cannot be overlooked. Women want to feel safe, and we deserve to feel safe, especially in the presence of men. How can we tell if we are going to be safe? Some clear signs include feeling that we are being listened to, supported, cared about, emotionally given-to, nurtured, thought about with affection and gentleness and treated with forethought and consideration.

And what are some ways for men to show that they intend to make us feel secure, comfortable and cared about? In my opinion. It is logical for women to expect that thoughtful, considerate men will take these steps as a matter of course, enabling us to feel that much more assured of our own personal safety. To me, the clearest socio-cultural justification for seeking to be taken care of in a relationship is the pressure placed on women -- even in our so-called modern society -- to keep men interested over time and to consistently present ourselves for men in a sexy, flirtatious, enticing, slim-and-shapely and continually-youthful way.

American media and male expectation have seen to it that women attempt to live up to these pressures and standards and this burden can cause women to go to excessive lengths -- including spending time, money and in some cases, enduring emotional distress -- in order to 'prepare' ourselves for men and to prepare ourselves to be seen by other women who are competing for the attention of men.

We wax our eyebrows, legs, underarms, bikini line and more; sit through endless manicures and pedicures; purchase countless makeup, perfume and hair styling products including 'blondifier' and 'un-grayifier'; and spend our earnings on pricey and often-uncomfortable lingerie, push-up bras and body shapers.

Because we primp, preen, prep and prime ourselves in these ways for the benefit and attention of men, let's face it, few of us endure hot wax for our own enjoyment , it is nice to feel that we are being taken care of or even courted once we are on the date that we have spent numerous hours, dollars and grimaces prepping for.

For some reason, men don't seem to take this element into consideration. I'm sorry, gentlemen: The fact that you showered, shaved your beard, used deodorant and perhaps even moisturized just does not correlate on a financial, corporeal, temporal, emotional or socio-cultural level. And some of this good-natured ribbing is acceptable, or even in some cases graciously welcome, if appropriate elements of chivalry are employed in tandem with it. In other words You can't have one without the other.

I think that's only fair. Connected to the idea of chivalry in the socio-cultural realm is the idea of not wanting each date to feel like a business negotiation, which can be stressful and cause awkward tension. When a man plans a fun excursion or suggests a new restaurant and pays for the couple, the date becomes both simpler and more romantic; thus, even women who are fully capable of planning an outing or footing a bill often prefer this mode, at least at the beginning of a relationship.

As time goes on, reciprocity occurs in terms of planning and paying, and thus the dates can continue to be more romantic than splitting everything in half. As for socio-emotional rationale, which I think is paramount, in American society and yes this is a broad generalization , women are socialized to be giving, caring, cooperative, communicative 'connectors.

Women tend to babysit from a young age; we play and talk in deeply supportive groups from childhood through adulthood; we are often taught to cook with each other as a giving social activity whether we've internalized those lessons or not is another story!

We often take on the responsibility of keeping calendars and schedules, whether they are for our families or our offices; we teach and nurse and counsel, making up the majority of most social service professions.

We are giving and helping, loving and sharing; we support each other emotionally and we know how to take care of people. In men, these skills are far less emphasized and valued at least in the workforce , so it's only natural that we desire to see some evidence of them upfront in a dating situation, in the form of calling, planning, asking, sharing, helping, offering an arm or a jacket, walking us home, holding a car door A man's ability to demonstrate that he can be giving, emotionally and otherwise, is vital in the early stages of a relationship.

Self-Worth First, as strong, confident women we have enough self-esteem to know our intrinsic worth and to expect someone who respects us, who will continually be there for us and who will remain interested and dedicated enough to want to care for and about us for years to come.

Those of us who are lucky have our parents, including caring and devoted fathers, to lovingly thank for that. As therapist Dr. Kelly Flanagan wrote in an open letter to his daughter:. Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul -- in that unshakeable place that isn't rattled by rejection and loss and ego -- that you are worthy of interest If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: you will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all of his interest in you I don't care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion -- as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.

By our mid's, women have seen many of our friends go through these milestones and traumas and we have seen that it takes a real man read: a caring, steadfast, supportive and giving man to stand by their side and be there for them through the difficulties as well as the joys in life.

This includes caring for them in countless emotional and practical ways including listening and giving guidance; showing concern, gentleness, attention, and affection; and performing acts of kindness and helpfulness. Following this admittedly traditional line of thought, women also seek caregiving ability in a man who will be father to their children.

Will he be there for them, support them and provide love and a sense of security? Again, this will include taking care of those children in innumerable emotional and practical ways. Therefore, it becomes crucial, even in the beginning stages of a relationship, for a woman who is interested in these life path choices to see that a man has "staying power," that is, the desire to give, to provide steadfast support and to go out of his way to show his caring, as these behaviors are signs that he possesses mature emotional development, understands what a serious relationship potentially entails and intends to show up for it.

The more a woman sees a man as a potential partner, the more seeing evidence of this type of behavior becomes significant. Of course, a woman in a relationship should be willing to plan and treat for various meals and outings, offer practical help when needed and make her feelings clear so that her partner feels safe and loved. Most women are kind, reasonable, realistic people who want to make sure that their partner feels secure and loved. Most are not asking for fancy meals, fancy trips or fancy things; they know that the company is always the most important factor.

They simply want to feel taken care of, and it is important not to confuse them with the women who have withheld love and support or prioritized money and status and thus caused hurt feelings.

The Bottom Line: The bottom line for mature, independent, confident women is this: We've lived happily on our own for many years, and we'd rather be on our own and not be taken care of than be with someone and not feel taken care of.

If we're going to be with somebody long-term, we want to find the man who loves our strength and wants to make us feel cared for in the ways I have discussed. And for the reasons I've discussed, we're not going to apologize for it. Of course, this becomes a very tricky endeavor, because when we are dating, we either have to find a way of tactfully articulating our aforementioned paradox of strength and the need for care, or we have to find a man who intuits our needs -- who has the desire to care-take while fully respecting us; who is strong, sharing and supportive while acknowledging and enjoying our strength; who is wholeheartedly giving in the right ways at the right times.

For the record, and with years of action research to my name, I can confirm: It is very a tricky pursuit indeed. US Edition U. Coronavirus News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes. Newsletters Coupons. Terms Privacy Policy. Part of HuffPost Women. All rights reserved. Huffington Post. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. And why is it so important for us to see indications of a man's ability to care-take? The Emotional Biological Imperative.

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How To Get A Rich Man To Be Your Boyfriend Or Husband

His whole world. And because he loves her so much. Well the only way you can ever have a man who provides you with these things is if you are truly being who you really are. And the only way to have a man propose marriage to you, give you a diamond ring, or love you to the end of the earth and back, and look at you in that way every woman wants to be looked at, is if you are being yourself. Are you the sexy, gorgeous woman you try to be in facebook photos?

When in a relationship, how can you make a woman want to treat you well, be good to you, be attentive, be affectionate, be loving, be caring and so on? He already feels good and as a result, she feels like she needs to do something to feel needed and important in his life.

Harold D. Edmunds is dedicated to helping others. He is an avid reader of the Bible. Edmunds loves reading, writing, and watching movies.

Do All Men Secretly Want to Be Cared For?

After writing her first book on eldercare in the s, Joy Loverde was going around corporate America giving keynote speeches and brown-bag lunch seminars on how to care for aging parents. In her book, Loverde identifies obstacles and strategies for the later stages of life, including an age-friendly home checklist and statewide initiatives for dementia. She touches on proper health care planning and managing details even after death. Loverde: I talked to people who are 90 and years old and asked what are their biggest problems. The second thing is they wonder what all of this age is for anyway. In other words, one of their greatest needs is the need to be needed by somebody for something so there has to be meaning and purpose in their life or they feel terribly lonely and frustrated. I know enough people 90 and and older who are healthy, living on their own, living purposeful lives and living full out.

Wouldn’t You Like A Man To Take Care Of YOU?

Setting aside the fact that I have not read the Fifty Shades series due to what has been described to me as the books' rather lackluster prose, sometime misogyny and excessively silly romantic situations, I would like to explore the idea that mature, confident, independent women do sometimes face the catch of wanting to be strong in the world while wanting to be 'taken care of' -- and not just sexually -- in romantic relationships. That is, some women want to be completely respected for their capabilities and strength of character while also wanting to be led, supported and cared for emotionally, socially and yes, sometimes even economically when they are with a man. The stronger a woman is emotionally or professionally in her daily life, the more she may desire some aspect of this. This phenomenon may not seem fair to men who seek a relationship founded on equal support, care, understanding and check-covering, which, admittedly, seems like a fair request.

Out of the million tax returns filed in the United States every year, about 1.

Have you ever worked longer than expected because you took pride in your work and wanted to please your boss or client? Have you ever given an expensive gift to your less fortunate sister or your self-sacrificing mother? You put yourself out for a friend, for a pet, for a loved one, but when do you get the opportunity to receive? But you hesitate to do the easiest, smartest thing for your long-term happiness:.

How to Make a Woman Treat You Well and Want to Take Care of You in a Relationship

Getting a man to take care of you in an age where independent women are the norm takes a specific skill set. But don't worry, you can easily learn them. We'll go over each of the skills individually. So what's the lure in having a man take care of you?

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How to Attract a Man who Gives you EVERYTHING

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May 8, - And what it means when he starts letting you buy his underwear and RELATED: 8 Things Girls In New Relationships Do But Will Never Admit To. I asked my married friend Tyler if he feels like his wife, Casidy, “takes care of him. of the dude-brain still goads us to take on the tough-guy protector role.

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Why Strong, Independent Women Just Want to Be Taken Care of (Sometimes)

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Who will take care of you when you’re old? It’s probably not who you think

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How to Get a Man to Take Care of You

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Comments: 2
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