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How do others look at me

We carefully pick out what we wear to the gym to make sure we look good in the eyes of the other gym goers. We post only the best picture out of the twenty-seven selfies we took and add a flattering filter to get the most likes to prove to ourselves that we are pretty and likable. And all it does is make us judge ourselves more harshly. It makes us uncomfortable in our own bodies.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: PICK A CARD 😍 How do people REALLY see you? ✨


5 Mental Shifts to Stop Caring What People Think of You

Download this podcast. Do they see us as we see ourselves? Is that even the same thing? And the first is that we are a lot harder to read than we imagine we are. And then, of course, interpreting that in some way. And sometimes they guess right. But a lot of the time they guess wrong. Usually their mistakes are really pretty reliable. People tend to associate certain kinds of behavior with being warm, for example. Or certain kinds of behavior with being competent. But for most of us, we just kind of assume that people see as objectively and that they see us the way we see ourselves.

And really neither of those things are true. I mean the truth is that, again, part of the problem is that we all tend to believe that we see things as they are. So yes, I see your behavior and I hear your words. But also in that mix are things like assumptions that I make about you. Some of them may be based on my past experience with you.

But some of them based on things like your gender, your age, what you look like, the kind of clothes you wear. And those expectations, again totally unconsciously, really shape the way we see other people. Phase one of perception is entirely automatic, very rapid, and completely below your awareness. You have no idea as a perceiver that all of this machinery is going on in your brain. And the second phase of perception is not automatic.

So, for example, just to give you a sense of how this goes, you see someone crying. So the phase one answer is, well, that must be a very sensitive person. But in phase two, you would take the context into account. So is that person just sitting on a park bench crying or are they at a funeral? But are there other kind of biases at play that affect all of us regardless? There are assumptions that are really remarkably universal, that people make when they look at other people. But we tend to actually think that our beliefs are much more popular.

If you like chocolate ice cream, you think that more people like chocolate ice cream than they actually do. We have a tendency to feel that our beliefs and opinions are right. And so, therefore, lots of other people must share them. We also have other assumptions like the halo effect. Again, this is entirely unconscious.

So just like I said before, when we tend to believe that other people share our beliefs more than they actually do, we tend to think our goodness though is relatively unique. We do tend to think of the things we do well are actually more rare than they actually are. I mean I think that it is actually quite difficult to access a lot of these things because much of it is unconscious.

The book is really about trying to help people to be seen the way they intend to be seen. It is what it is. And once you have that, there are some steps you can take to make sure you do come across the way you intend to. There are studies that show really when other people try to guess what our intentions are, that their performance is slightly better than chance. So a simple fix is just to say it. Like say more, be more explicit.

Go back and say it. Say it explicitly. That can be very helpful. The other thing is to really kind of look for some behaviors that we know are very reliably related to certain kinds of perception. And it turns out this is really fundamental for establishing trust. If you are a salesperson, you want clients to think of you as a trusted adviser. And there are some very simple things you can do. One of them is eye contact, maintaining eye contact, particularly when other people are talking.

A lot of us know that I contact is important for looking confident. I know lots of people who make this mistake. You immediately feel that weird frostiness and tension. Affirmations, in general, are very important. But affirmations really are just simple expressions that we use, that say things like, well, that must have been difficult for you; oh, I understand; asking questions about other people or asking them to talk about themselves.

All of those things are indicators of warmth. But you really want to make sure you are appearing as warm as you are. But they are. Well, chances are it had a lot to do with their body language. And it can take a long time to get past that and to overcome that impression, if you ever do. Like what do you think when people first meet me, what do you think their impression is and how do you think it differs from the way I really am?

And I think in general people are often warmer than they appear. They are often more trustworthy than they seem. And then the other thing I just sort of wanted to ask you about is so when you all know, OK, these are the things that work and these are the kind of biases people have that I have to overcome, I mean I just want to do a little bit of a reality check here. I hate to put more pressure on people. First impressions are important in particular because they are so stubborn. But there is no easy way to do it.

One is the approach that requires the most patience and effort on your part. And that is to simply overwhelm the person over time with abundant evidence that you are not who they think you are.

What you need to do is be really, really friendly. And I mean attention-gettingly friendly for like two months, consistently. So hanging in there for a long time, working very hard, eventually it will happen.

A slightly shorter version of that is if you can find a way to create what psychologists call outcome interdependence, which is basically the idea that that person depends on you for something.

You have to work with someone. And once your outcomes really depend on them, we naturally become, again, unconsciously, naturally become much more invested in getting the other person right, really understanding them accurately.

And so we find that people are much more willing to revise an initial impression during that phase of having to work together with someone. And then I worked with them and I realized I was wrong. And it can go either way, frankly. And in the second case, where you have outcome dependency, I mean really honestly also motivating them to really want to see you in a nicer way.

But life is better when we like the people we have to work with. And so there is a little bit of that. Dan Gilbert calls it the psychological immune system kicking in, where, in general, we try to see things in a way that makes life less painful for us.

So if you think someone has a bad impression of you, usually the last thing you want to do is work with them. These are my intentions. Can you actually do that? I think certainly acknowledging what happened and how it might have been misconstrued is not at all a bad thing to do. So that can open the door to taking a second look.

Now that said, I think there are sometimes, every once in a while, an extreme case of someone doing something so remarkably amazing that it forces you to really look again at something. And it happens occasionally when you hear someone in the news who— I mean it happens unfortunately often— where someone who you thought was really great, all of a sudden you find out they did this horrible thing. And if it is a truly horrible thing, in that moment people will absolutely change their minds about someone.

So there can be extreme cases of pivots. And I want to just change that a bit. I mean the good news is it can be done. I know, right? The good news is you can do it.

And that if there are relationships that really matter to you, that are making your life difficult because someone has the wrong impression of you, there is absolutely something you can do about it. I mean the reality is, I think, that often miscommunication and misunderstandings stem very, very often from a genuine error on the part of the person sending the signals. They just sent the wrong ones. I think, in general, people are kinder, and warmer, and more trustworthy than we often seem.

How Others See Us, How We See Ourselves

Social interactions can sometimes be a challenge for people. Some people may even find that any social interaction can leave them feeling as though others hate or dislike them, even when this is not the case. People who experience this may feel isolated. They often fear a large group because they worry that its members are talking about them. They overanalyze, looking for hidden meaning in the words or actions of others to indicate their dislike.

One mirror is not enough to see yourself as others see you. When you look at a bathroom mirror you see an image of yourself with left and right reversed. If you don't believe it, extend your right hand to shake hands with yourself.

How do others see me? When people look in my direction are they impressed? If I could see myself through their eyes, what would I see? Most people are concerned about how they are seen by others. Time is spent before the mirror each day.

Understand How People See You

Jean-Paul Sartre was one of the most distinctive and vociferous social critics of the twentieth century. As editor of the French post-war journal Les Temps Modernes , Sartre was able to complement his literary and philosophical views with essays devoted to practical ethical and political issues. The post-war era was one of the most fruitful, exciting and daring periods for Sartre's thinking. His published and unpublished works disclose a striking feature of Sartrean existentialism. The commonly-held view is that existentialism champions radical individualism and disparages community, social roles and civic participation. This book challenges this received wisdom, showing that Sartrean existentialism is in fact a deeply social philosophy. Storm Heter demonstrates the vitality of Sartre's landmark essays 'What is Literature?

What to do if you feel people hate you

Aged thirteen, Martha is rescued by the courts from the clutches of her evil stepfather, Jackser, and her feckless mother, Sally. After numerous arrests for shoplifting, a judge rules that she is to be sent to a convent school with the instruction that she is to get an education. Her initial relief at escaping the abuse and neglect she suffered at home is, however, short-lived, as she soon realises that there are many forms of cruelty in this life. As she says, 'You can have a full belly, but your heart can be very empty.

Do you see yourself how you really are or how others want you to be?

If you perceive yourself, others and the world in a negative light—eventually what you perceive to be true becomes your reality. It doesn't have to be that way, though. Below are eight ways that social anxiety changes the way you think about everything, and then some ways you can get back control and stop letting your anxiety take the reins. Research has shown that SAD is associated with high self-criticism and lower self-esteem.

7 Signs You Might Not View Yourself The Way Other People Do

Remember those Magic Eye pictures that were sold at malls in the '90s? Their actual, technical name is autostereograms. Anyway, if you were to stare at one of these images long enough, a hidden picture was supposed to emerge.


We all have our own perception of ourselves, but it can be hard to tell if this self-image is accurate or not. Unless you're checking in with your friends or doing some frequent self-reflecting, you may be exhibiting some signs that you don't view yourself the same way other people do. Sometimes this can mean that others have a more favorable impression of you, such as the case of people who have lower self-esteem, but other times, it means that people view your actions as malicious or annoying when you see them as totally innocent. Recognizing this disparity can help you improve not only yourself, but your relationships as well. It makes sense that there is a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us. This is just a basic fact of life, but it can lead to significant mental distress if there is a vast discrepancy.

Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them

We have all had toxic people dust us with their poison. Being able to spot their harmful behaviour is the first step to minimising their impact. There are plenty of things toxic people do to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. Here are 12 of them. Knowing them will help you to avoid falling under the influence:.

Do you constantly worry about what other people think? easy to get caught up in feeling worried about how you may look, or what others think of you. what if when I get there the dress code is different, or people judge me for wearing this?

Download this podcast. Do they see us as we see ourselves? Is that even the same thing? And the first is that we are a lot harder to read than we imagine we are. And then, of course, interpreting that in some way.

How Do Others See You?

Others see you as the quiet type who would rather play it safe than take a risk. You seem to enjoy your quaint solitude and take initiative to have plenty of "you time. Others see you as the fun, crazy, party-starter as soon as they meet you. Your extroverted personality is very apparent, and it can either be used for "good" to draw others into your constant fiesta, or it could lead them to feel overwhelmed.






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