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A real friend is hard to find

By Joanna Smykowski. Do your friends often disappoint you? Do they put you down all the time? Do they abandon you when you need them most? If so, maybe it's time to find a new definition of a true friend. Here are some of the things to look for when you choose the people you'll trust with your friendship.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: A Good Friend Is Hard to Find


320 Friendship Quotes That You (And Your Best Friends) Will Love

Advertise Donate Read the latest issue Newsletter. When I was touring colleges, I ran into a girl who went to my high school on one of the campuses. She was a junior at the time. After inviting me to hang out with her friends—whom she seemed incredibly close to yet had only met two weeks prior—she told me she didn't know what true friendship was until college.

I was surprised she could distinguish true friendship from her previous relationships, and wondered how she could assign such an honor to people she had just met.

I was lucky—I had experienced genuine friendship early, despite the superficiality and cliques of high school. When I came to college, I encountered similar feelings of kinship that I knew would blossom into strong friendships.

And yet, in my junior year, I find myself in a strange limbo when it comes to my friendships. Though close friendships still play a large role in my daily life, many of the friendships that defined my freshman year have drifted, and the few people from then that I still talk to I see only once in a while.

At the same time, I constantly meet new people and start new friendships. When one expects college to be the place to build lifelong friendships, the capricious entrances and exits of friends seem surprising.

This interim makes me think again about "true" friendship, and how one might define it. My impulse for definition comes from wanting to seek the right kind of friend. Yet, what exactly do we look for? In Book VIII of his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle discusses the nature of friendship, delineating three types: the friendship of use or benefit, the friendship of pleasure, and the friendship of the good.

Though the nature of friendship might be more nuanced than Aristotle's tripartite argument, it's still relevant and worth understanding. The first kind of friendship is when you are friends with someone not for who they are but for what they can give you—answers to the homework, for instance, or an upgrade in social status. The second kind is when you are friends with people because they are fun to be around, so you enjoy not them in themselves, but the pleasure their presence brings you. Though you might party with these friends, at the end of the day they're not the ones you want to talk to.

These friendships dissolve quickly, as soon as they cease to be advantageous. The friendship of the good, however, is not predicated on profiting off each other, nor on simply passing time by having fun.

Instead, your friend respects you for both who you are as a person and the way that you live. It is a mutual respect—one in which you do not deprive, condemn, or belittle one another.

Rather, you push each other to be your best selves not for personal gain but for your friend's sake. This friendship is not selfish, or clingy, or exploitative; it is a friendship of equals. You don't just accept who they are, you celebrate it. Of course, it's rare in our age to expect our friends to push us toward our teleologically realized selves—but the ideal is important, because it reminds us of what to strive for, and what we shouldn't settle for.

But pursuing the friendship of the good is difficult. Aristotle himself acknowledges that the friendship of the good takes time—time to understand each other and develop trust.

Perhaps part of the problem is how hard it is to stay in touch with people on this campus. I will often ask to get lunch with the people I haven't seen for a while or people I've just met in an effort to have a genuine conversation, but too often neither of us follow up.

Though we have the potential to be great friends, the exposure and momentum needed to get our friendship going fizzles between rare run-ins on the way to class. Soon they become another person "I would've gotten along with had we ever had the chance to get close. Sometimes, I meet people and feel a real spark. We're on the same wavelength, overlapping in the way that we think about the world and ourselves.

These friendships are effortless and confessional because you just understand each other. These friends do not doubt my dreams, but instead believe in my ability to realize them. They do not ridicule but critique me only so I can be my best. I call these people "soul friends. I feel I know them already, as if we were meant to be friends.

You don't have to believe in fate or reincarnation to know what I mean—that feeling of kinship and recognition when you meet someone and think, Wow! You really get me! When I think of true friendship, I think of these friends. Though demanding, this friendship allows for a love and forgiveness that is real and lasting. That's not to say that other kinds of friendship are unworthy.

Friendships change and develop, and sometimes spending time with someone who isn't your go-to person is exactly what you need, even if that friendship falls short of Aristotle's true friendship.

Perhaps my view of friendship is a bit grandiose—it is how I make sense of that original and meaningful kinship. But at the end of the day, neither Aristotle nor I can define friendship—you must define it for yourself. Every friendship will be different. The skill is in approaching each in a way specific to it. Friendship is difficult.

It comes and goes, and though you and your friends can share fun times, it might not last through life's twists and turns. Just think of who you stay in touch with from high school. There have been times when my friends and I have let each other down. Often tired, busy, and stressed, we can't always be our best selves, or the greatest friends.

But friendship is about bearing those burdens together. Sacrificing our dedication to great friendships only takes away from our own lives. Sharing life with friends helps ease its torments and amplifies its joys. We can still mark past friendships not with regret but with well-wishing. I can appreciate the memories, good and bad, because every friend that has come my way impacted my life and influenced the person I am today.

So to all the people I run into and greet with a "Let's get lunch soon! Whether we are very close or never got the chance to know each other, I want to get to know you. And to those I haven't met yet—come share your stories with me and with each other! Aristotle's ideal of the true form of friendship might be hard to find, but I know it's real, and I'm willing to try. Luciana Siracusano is a Columbia College junior majoring in English. Interested in what makes us human, she is often concerned with introspective, psychological, or emotional issues, such as friendship.

When not chasing her Aristotelian telos, she explores these ideas in her column, Waking Dreams , which runs alternate Wednesdays. Share your stories with her—she welcomes them with open arms.

To respond to this column, or to submit an op-ed, contact opinion columbiaspectator. Spectator is a registered c 3 nonprofit organization. We use advertising revenue to subsidize the cost of providing journalism to the campus, and to fund over fifty students who are on our work-study program. Please consider helping us out by whitelisting our site in three easy steps. Go to 'Whitelisted domains'. Type 'www. Thank you for helping us out. If you're using UBlock Origin: Click on your ad-blocker icon.

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What Is The Real Definition Of A True Friend?

Making friends -- well, really good friends -- in today's day and age is one of the hardest things to do. It's almost as if the people who were once born with wonderful traits have traded them in for a fancy car, and the kids of these parents are picking up on these bad habits. I'm not by any means speaking about everyone; I am however speaking about certain people I have come in contact with. I have childhood friends from as far back as when I was in the playpen or the stroller, and my teenage girlfriends are still right alongside me till this day.

Luckily, true friends are pretty easy to spot, and knowing the signs of a true friend will help you figure out who to get closer with and who to stay away from. To decide if your friend is a true friend, consider whether you can speak openly around them and if they care enough about you to pay attention to what you say. True friends put effort into the relationship, so think about whether they make time to see you and provide the same amount of affection that you give them.

Advertise Donate Read the latest issue Newsletter. When I was touring colleges, I ran into a girl who went to my high school on one of the campuses. She was a junior at the time. After inviting me to hang out with her friends—whom she seemed incredibly close to yet had only met two weeks prior—she told me she didn't know what true friendship was until college. I was surprised she could distinguish true friendship from her previous relationships, and wondered how she could assign such an honor to people she had just met.

A True Friend Is Hard to Find

Follow us on Facebook Click here. A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself — and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. Jim Morrison. True friendship is like sound health. The value of it is seldom known until it be lost. Charles Caleb Colton. Be true to your work , your word, and your friend.

Good friends are hard to find – and even harder to keep

As Brian and his wife wandered off toward the No. That was four years ago. We keep trying to get over the hump, but life gets in the way. Our story is not unusual. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.

That translates into nearly 5 million adults who are, in effect, friendless. I am fortunate to be able to claim at least four friends, of both genders, who stretch back nearly 40 years, and a number of other more recent ones that are close and durable.

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An Aristotelian friend is hard to find

Someone to just listen to us or hang out with us and remind us that life goes on. But what really makes a true friend? Why do we feel closeness with some people that time and distance never diminish? It implies a kindred spirit and deep connection.

Juli Slattery is the co-founder of Authentic Intimacy , a nonprofit organization. It says that you care about the person even more than you value the friendship. If you want to be a faithful friend by speaking your concerns out loud, how you deliver the message may be the difference between a broken and a deepened friendship. Let him or her know that no matter what he may decide, you will always be in his corner. Remember that you can be consistently supportive of a person without agreeing with his decisions. It is also better to have one intentional conversation about your concerns, rather than constantly making remarks like a nagging mother.

7 Signs Of A True Friend & The Real Reason They Are So Hard To Find

Real friends are really hard to find on my own point of view. A real friend is the one who will understand you no matter what. A friend who truly loves you and understand you in all aspects. Who tells you what is wrong and what is right in all the decision you made. Who always by your side especially when you needed someone to comfort to you. A friend who always called us best friend is really hard to find but once you find it you will treasure it as long as you live.

Dec 25, - I used to have the same strong optimistic and smile as much as possible, people are drawn to happiness!! There are three cases for me and maybe  Why is it always hard to find a true friend? People are.


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